sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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