That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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