She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
