Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
