How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
