in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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