I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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