I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
