I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
