this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
