They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
