oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I forget how to act sober
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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