I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
