I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
