just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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