There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
