I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
