We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
