i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
