my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He called his prostate his "boner button".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
