According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
