My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
