from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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