so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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