my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
In America we eat man semen.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
