he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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