Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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