A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
