apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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