Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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