There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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