Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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