Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
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