Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
