I met the friendliest cop last night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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