Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just had sex on a roof
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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