I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
