I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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