Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
