All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
