Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
