I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
