Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
