Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
