Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
