Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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