Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
