I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
