Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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