what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
