she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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