She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
