i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
