remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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