If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
