can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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