Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
