:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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