Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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