I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
