mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
