There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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