Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize