You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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