you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
