Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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