found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
