What a fucking waste of an outfit
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
