I could make wine with my vomit
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
