i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
